BROKEN-IN-LOVE

…Is this love? The place we are now, is this still it? How come my heart feels void? How come I can’t feel as happy as I use to. If this is love, well, yet I am broken. Can you love someone when he is bringing your soul down into the depths of fear and loss? This place we are is just the pain now far gone past the bliss. Yet,
I do not want to know how it feels like to lose him. He means everything….  She says. What do you think? Is this love? Then why does it hurt?
 
I think she is just another wounded bird that has one leg clawed in the trap. There is no one hearing the subdued cries of its pains, yet it is scarier to pull the leg free from the trap. It figures the pain of trying to pull the leg free will be unbearable compared to the pain it is feeling now. This exactly illustrates the girl in love and yet feels mostly hurt.
Like the bird, she will never be free if she does not try to pull out. She will never heal also if she does not pull out. She may not live very long (I mean her spirit- i.e. her zest for life) except she pulls out too. This brings us to the question for everyone that has found themselves in a place like this, “Why do you still hold on?”
A relationship like this may scar your soul till it feels nothing anymore. It may bleed your heart to death. We will not deny the excruciating pain if the bird tries to pull its leg from the trap, but it is the price the bird has to pay for it to be free. After this, its only a sweet journey to rebirth. Life is the greatest possession belonging to anyone living. This does not mean breathing alone, but to feel good and be free while breathe still lasts inside us. When you live a life short of this, you show no regard or value for life. Inferrably, you show you mean very little or nothing.
If the place you are in a relationship is ugly like this, I advice you should leave. Love your life so much that you would not risk it for anyone else. This view is always healthy except righteous faithfulness is what you are expected to prove to a partner. Can you stand and watch someone drive a nail through your hands? Why then do you allow a man or a woman to drive pain through your heart instead? If you have gone through an ordeal as this, you would agree the pain from driving a nail through the hands compare less to that driven to the heart by a lover. Then, why endure?
I hope you do not misjudge me. I am not here advicing married couples to take such a stand. If your partner wasn’t a pain before you married then something that can be dealt with developed somewhere. If not, deal with the fact you signed an oath to stick together no matter what.
When a partner hurts you so bad, it is first adviced to give more room to reasoning than loyalty. Whatever he does to you should tell you if he values you. And whatever you chose to accept from the partner should tell if you value yourself. This two critical angles will save you from being broken-in-love.
Be reasonable and always find motive. Has your partner intentionally hurt you or it was a mistake? If it really was a mistake, does it keep reoccurring? Does he/she react positively to your feelings or does he/she react negatively when his feelings are not given prime attention? If the latter is true, does this not prove he/she values themselves more and desires to add no importance to you because they are selfish?
A selfish partner demands more than they are ready to give. Do they rob it in your face with words and actions how lucky you are to be with them? Have they stopped doing the things that attracted you to them and begun neglecting the way you feel instead?
Look at your relationship and see if one person is the parasite and the other the host. And if he/she is nourishing his/her life off you without you getting any benefits in return, this shows that you do not value one bit of yourself and your essence has become the nourishing of the other’s value. Whatever happens when you have given everything and there is nothing else belonging to you, be it happiness, joy, love, laughter, sacrifices of all sort? Whatever happens if the memories made are full of his/her smiles and you do not remember if you ever got any from them? This is why I think the broken-in-love is a state as worse as suicide itself.
Atleast the one that has committed suicide has the courage to take his own life. But someone broken-in-love has given the dagger to someone else to stab them to their death. One thing is sure though, if you love yourself and regard your life, you would never sink in to broken-in-love by anyone. If the bird love life, it will force its leg from the trap and endure the pain because it has the zest to live. The ones that are loving themselves will quit a relationship and endure the pain rather than deemed no value for their lives. Yes, there will be pain. And as I said earlier, this is the price for freedom. Take courage and make that first step!
If you love yourself you will know you deserve more than this. Immediately you know how much you deserve, you must fight for it with everything you have. Life always tests us to see if we will settle for those things it brings our way. Learn to say ‘no’ until life has no choice than to bring to you the things you desire. This includes a loving relationship that is healthy and nourishing. Stop living under the illusion that a boy or a girl will come into your life and bring to you all the good things that your heart does not know. If it is happiness you are expecting, make your life happy and not let someone mean your happiness. Do the things you love and surround yourself with people and things you love and you will see people come into your life to enrich it rather than deplete it. Know this, you deserve more than to be broken-in-love. Begin to live it!

WRITTEN BY SEGUN PETERS

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